4 Reasons You are Amazing: How to Stop Doubting Yourself!

4 Reasons You are Amazing: How to Stop Doubting Yourself

It amazes me how we are able to see the beauty in others, but often reject the notion that we ourselves are worthy. If you have ever experienced self-doubt the below tips are for you. 4 reasons YOU are amazing. 

#1: You Already Won the Race

You don’t remember this, but God does. A long time ago, you swam along with nearly 100 million competitors fighting for a shot at life. You had to fight through a strange and foreign atmosphere, with dead ends and white blood cells ready to attack. You eventually arrived at your destination with impeccable timing, because upon your arrival an egg was released in the nick of time, waiting to be fertilized. You already won the race of a lifetime; there is nothing you can’t do. 

#2 : You Are The Exclusive Edition

Did you know, just like your fingerprint and footprint your lip print is also exclusive to you? You are truly one of a kind. So, stop comparing yourself to other people and their walks of life. Their walk is exclusive to them, just like yours is exclusive to you. No one would say an orange is better than an apple, because they are too different to compare. 

#3 You Are Enough

I used to subconsciously believe that I’ll be “good enough” once I reach my goal weight. Society has tricked us into thinking that we are only “enough” once we look a certain way, or once we accomplish something significant, or attain riches by the age of 30. I want you to understand if you don’t accomplish anything else in life, wherever you are today, you are enough. God gave you the stamp of approval when he allowed you to be formed in your mother’s womb. You simply breathing and just being is enough.

#4: You are Worth the BEST Life Can Offer

 

In 2021 we are normalizing luxury on every level. Normalize luxury in every-day experiences: when you get your nails done go to the nail spa that also offers a massage and champagne, instead of the nail salon with the broken leather seats and bad customer service. For future vacations, if your pockets allow you to upgrade to first class on your flight, do it. At your job, keep finding ways to negotiate for better circumstances. In your relationships, keep requiring that someone gives you the best version of themselves. The best is reserved for people who simply demand it, it won’t just come to you. 

 

Thank you so much for reading! Share this with a friend who needs to hear this. In the meantime, check out my sister and I latest podcast below. We’ll talk soon.

 

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The World Loves Big Girls: 4 Confidence Boosters on Your Health Journey​

The World Loves Big Girls: 4 Confidence Boosters on Your Health Journey

First and foremost: the number on the scale does not dictate your self-worth. 

Have you ever seen a voluptuous woman in the workplace, classroom, or even just walking down the street and for some reason you just couldn’t take your eyes off of her? It’s because, without a shadow of a doubt, she simply had confidence.

 

If you read chapter two of my book: Clean Mirrors, you know the struggles I’ve had with my weight as it relates to my self-esteem. Below are tips to help you walk in confidence as you continue to strive for a healthier lifestyle. 

#1: You are Enough, TODAY!

So many of us believe that we’ll finally be “worthy” as soon as we get to our ideal weight; consequently, we subconsciously  accept less than what we deserve in relationships and social engagements. What if I told you that you are enough right now, right where you are? Whatever the scale says today, you are enough. You don’t have to wait until you’re in shape to have the best out of life. You deserve the highest level of admiration, praise, honor and respect whether you are a size two or twenty-two.

#2: Put on Something Sexy

 What’s up with women who are uncomfortable in their bodies wearing black all of the time? Don’t let society talk you into shrinking and fading into the background. Get comfortable with being seen. Be the Peacock in the room! This is important because with this exercise it teaches you to fall in love with your body and it trains you to find clothes that are flattering for your body type and complexion. What you wear speaks VOLUMES of how you feel about yourself. Make sure you are communicating the right message to the world. 

#3: Walk that Walk.

There is something absolutely captivating about a woman who has a mean walk. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they walk: the speed, the rhythm, and how they hold their head and shoulders. Remember: chin up, shoulders back, find your rhythm, and walk slow. When I was insecure about my weight, I used to walk so fast people would think I was training for the Olympics. Needless to say, don’t be like me. 

#4: Stay the Course.

When it comes to our health journey, we don’t always see the results we want right away; and the temptation to relapse rears its ugly head. Remember: the goal is to be healthy. It doesn’t matter where you land on the scale; just focus on your health. Your body will thank you for it when you’re older. 

Thank you for reading, and please share this with your friend who needs a confidence boost. In the meantime subscribe to my sister and I YouTube channel as we strive to make more excellent content. 

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How to Get Excited about Life Again: 4 Tips You’ll Need in 2021.

How to Get Excited about Life Again: 4 Tips You'll Need in 2021.

All seven years of 2020 are finally over; however, this past year has left so many of us feeling grey and disinterested about life. Below are four tips to help you get excited about life again.

#1 Get Right with God

 

This is one so many people say, but never really do. I’m one of “those people” by the way, so trust me, I’m not judging. Getting right with God requires more than streaming your favorite church service on YouTube. It requires you to walk like a follower of Christ. Are you still fornicating? Are you still Gossiping? Are you still getting drunk? Remember: getting right with God requires you to walk in the word, don’t just listen to it. 

#2 Go from Grinch to Gratitude 

 

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, or years where nothing seems to go your way, and you try to have a gullible like optimism but your reality is just so bleak and grey it’s hard to fake the funk? Trust me, I know how tempting it is to throw a pity party, but instead, try showing gratitude for what is going right in your life. Every time you feel tempted to throw a pity party, just take a breath and count on your fingers (out loud) 10 things you thank God for. When you do this, just watch how your spirit becomes more joyous. 

#3 Eliminate your Vices

 

In the beginning of Quarantine, I drank red wine like a fish drinks water. I soon began to gain weight and felt blah about everything. Overindulgence in any pleasurable act results in a huge dopamine crash, leaving you feeling grey, bleak, and blah. So, instead of turning to your vices when you need comfort, stimulate your mind by watching videos of your dream home on YouTube. The key is to replace harmful stimulants with ones that will inspire you to stay on track with your long-term goals. 

#4 Have a “Never Say Die” Attitude

 

Whatever you do just stay committed to becoming a happy healthier you. The reason just about everyone has the same New Year goal is because when the going gets tough people quit. Don’t be that person. Simply envision where you want to be in your life and decide that come hell or high water you will get to your desired destination. 

 

Thank you for reading. If you’re excited about getting back on track for the new year, click here for a one-on-one session and talk it out. In the meantime, share this with a friend who needs to get their life all the way together.

We’ll talk soon!

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Single is the New Black: 3 Advantages of Being the Single Friend

Single is the New Black: 3 Advantages of Being the Single Friend

Well ladies, it’s that time of year again. Everyone is “boo’d up” and you’re the only one going home alone after that social distance holiday party. Trust me sis, I feel your pain. For the first time ALL of my friends are boo’d up as well and at the same time too. So, I know what it’s like to continuously ride solo. Below I have some empowering tips that have encouraged me when I have episodes of loneliness; I trust they will be a blessing to you as well. 

#1 You Have More Time to Focus on Your Goals

 

Let’s be real. As much fun as it is to be all “kissy, kissy” with your lover, we will have to admit, being head over hills can jade your better judgement and have you putting off interests and hobbies that made you so attractive to begin with. That’s why; instead of cursing your singleness use your extra time to revisit your business goals:

 

  • Write that book you keep putting off. If you need help, book a session with me.
  • Open that shopify account and sell your candles and butters.
  • Get that certification so that you can earn more money on your job.

Your single season is so important and necessary for you to be the woman you’re destined to be. Don’t waste it, wishing that you were anywhere else than where you are right now. 

 

#2 You Get to be Ugly 

This is my personal favorite. I get to be ashy in PEACE y’all! I recently ran out of coconut oil and now when I get out of the shower my skin goes from a glowing chocolate goddess to casket-sharp grey. I digress. In seriousness, those ugly parts of your personality and character can be groomed to perfection in your single season. Use your single season to work on you. Work on your anger issues, work on being more friendly and fun to be around. When you work on you, you’ll be astonished on the quality of people you attract. Who knows, maybe one of them will be your Mr. Right.

#3 You Get to Improve Your Finances.

 

Dating is not cheap, especially if you are in a serious and committed relationship. Sis, if nothing else, thank God that your money goes to you and only you. Birthdays, Baecations and Holiday gifts ADD UP. Use your extra financial space to improve your credit score so you can be closer to getting your dream car. Use that extra room in your budget to fund that business idea we talked about earlier. To a woman, security is everything, so make sure your financial security is in great condition. 

 

Look at it this way. If you’re single, you’re the new “It Girl.” Single is definitely the new black. 

 

Thank you so much for reading. If you know a friend who is moping and groping about her relationship status, get her life together and send this to her.

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Cuffed, Cuddled, and Cut-Off: How You Should Spend Cuffing Season

Cuffed, Cuddled, and Cut-Off: How You Should Spend Cuffing Season

Welp! It’s that time of year again. The cuffing bells are ringing, and that BDE is swinging. So, ladies the question comes up. Are you looking for a new boo to Netflix and chill with? Last year my extra attractive golden skinned 6”3’ neighbor was my cuddle buddy, but it left me feeling insecure and broken when it was all said and done. Below are three things I wish I would have spent my time doing. Hopefully, they will encourage you not to make the same mistakes.

#1 Getting Closer to God

I knew my neighbor was not my husband, so I was entertaining a man that I know God did not send for me. Every time I would go over to my neighbor’s house I would feel this uneasiness in the pit of my stomach, as if something was whispering to me “turn around, leave, don’t go inside.” but the lust was too strong. That is the thing about lust, just like fire, it never knows when it’s had enough. 

 

Thankfully, there is a book out there that is catered to helping women in moments of high desire: Dirty virgin. If you struggle with saying no and need some extra girl power this book is for you. 

Had I spent my time learning and studying the majesty of God. I would have been spiritually strong enough to deny my flesh and be better positioned to receive God’s best for me.

#2 Being a Better Servant

Last year around this time I volunteered as a tutor at a literacy center that focused on helping adults obtain their GED’s. The only downfall was that I wasn’t the most attentive tutor because I was so focused on setting up my cuddle appointments every evening.I know having a cuddle buddy can seem harmless; but trust me, whenever you give copious amounts of your intimate energy to someone who is NOT your man you end up being distracted and anxious in the most unbecoming way.

So, please take it from someone who has been there before. The holidays are coming up so make being a better servant your priority and if a man wants your time he’s just going to have to get in where he can fit in. 

#3 Being a Better Person

Cuddling was my vice and because I indulged in my vice so frequently it took up the time I could have been using to invest in myself. The time I spent getting all prepped and pampered to go to my neighbor’s house, actually being at his house, and coming back home for a nap because I can’t really sleep how I want to at someone else’s spot–all of that took time out of my 24hrs. I should have been using it to write the children’s book I wanted to write or upgrade my wardrobe like I’ve been planning. Ladies, these casual flings that are glorified in the media are not for the women who want more out of life. Save your time and energy for the man who is serious about you

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Eliminating Social Anxiety: How to be the Perfect Party Guest

Eliminating Social Anxiety: How to be the Perfect Party Guest

Story time: over the Labor Day weekend I was asked to attend an all-white party where I would be the youngest in attendance. I took a sip of my favorite wine, gave myself a pep-talk and sashayed into the event. Anxiety is very real. Below is a list of 5 tips that will help you eliminate anxiety and be the perfect party guest.

#1 RSVP

Throwing a party is NOT cheap. Make your host’s job a bit easier by guaranteeing your arrival so they know how much food to buy. When you show up without RSVPing you become an uninvited guest. Not cute. Speaking of uninvited guests, it is considered rude to bring a plus one if the host did not advise you to do so. If your cousin comes to visit, run it by the host as soon as possible so they can accurately prepare.

#2 Bring a Gift

Yes, it is rude to show up to a party empty handed (office parties and ceremonies are the only exception.) However, that’s not what this is about. When you bring something to the table you feel more entitled to be in that space; thus, increasing your confidence when you walk into the room. Plus, having something in hand will make the gift the main attraction so all eyes won’t be on you when you walk in. 

#3 Look Amazing

Nails done, hair done, everything did! The formula is simple: when you look good you feel good. I know sometimes it’s hard to look good on a budget. Just remember, simply, classy, and clean is always a look.

#4 Speak Up!

I bet everyone’s social anxiety just went through the roof. No worries, we got this. To ensure great convo show up to the party about 20-30minutes after it starts. This gives you a minute to scope the room while it is half full. Below are the best ways to start a conversation.

 

  • Sit at the table with the people who look most like you.
  • Pay a compliment to the quietest woman at the table. 
  • Ask the most talkative person at the table how they met the host.

BOOM! Now you’ve got the shyest person engaged by paying a compliment, and you’ve got the most talkative person telling a story that will keep everyone engaged and produce spin off convos. 

#5 Know When to Leave

There is nothing worse than having a guest who does not know when to leave. As my mom always said, “let people miss you.” The best time to leave is right after the main event takes place. Whether it’s a cake cutting, the gender of a baby has been revealed, or the main course of a meal has been served. After the main event, please leave. 

 

If you enjoyed these tips subscribe to the G.A.T.E.S Girl email list so you can be the first to receive new blog content and weekly words of wisdom and encouragement.

 

Thank you for reading. We’ll talk soon. 

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Setting Standards: How do You Treat You?

Setting Standards: How do You Treat You?

Most women think they have high standards, because they don’t date men under 6ft tall. Sis, I am here to tell you, that is not a standard, it is a preference. Before we dive deeper let’s understand what standards actually are. Standards are a set of virtues and values that are non-negotiable expectations you have in regard to the way others interact with you. It is great to formulate a list of acceptable and non-acceptable behavior. However, there is something you must do first: look in the mirror. Here are the top five questions every woman should ask herself, before she creates her laundry list of standards.

 

QUESTION #5: DO YOU GOSSIP ABOUT OTHER WOMEN?

Most women say they want a solid support system of girlfriends, but somehow fail to be the very support system they are looking for. Let’s be honest, most women at some point in their life have slandered another woman’s character. Hoping that pointing out that minute flaw of hers will somehow mask the multitude of flaws you possess. Spoiler alert: this doesn’t work. If  you are still tolerating insecurity within yourself then you are in no position to boast about what you will and will not tolerate from someone else. Only women who don’t know their worth feel threatened by beautiful and successful women. Before setting your standards on how you wish to be treated by others make sure you know your worth. How can you charge for something you don’t know the value of?

QUESTION #4: WHAT’S IN YOUR GROCERY CART?

Most women want a man to love and respect them, but fail to love and respect themselves. Take a look in your grocery cart. Is it loaded with raw fruits and vegetables, or is it weighed down with frozen pizzas, and other packaged goods? Take a look at your playlist. Is it filled with songs that overly sexualize and disrespect you, or does the music on your playlist bring honor to your spirit and body?  What you consume says a lot about the respect you have for yourself. You can’t say, “ I want to be loved and respected.” then turn around and abuse, and misuse your own body.

“Do you not know that your bodies are holy temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God.”
Corinthians 6:19-20

How can you have discipline in your standards and not have discipline  in what goes into your holy temple?  If you will eat anything then you will put up with anything.

QUESTION#3: WHAT IS YOUR MORAL CODE OF CONDUCT?

 

Most women want a man to honor God, and be family oriented, but  have no clue about their own personal code of conduct. This one is a biggie, because most women believe their personal code of conduct involves: honesty, loyalty, and respect. Although, these are great standards to stand on and live by, they may not pertain to your individual values. Ask yourself the following:

  • What are the three most important things in the world to you?

  • Where do you turn when depression hits?

  • Why do you get up every morning?

  • How much money will you be satisfied with making?

Get out a pen and some paper, write these questions out, and answer them honestly. This will reveal what virtues and values you actually practice. Once you are able to establish the standards you have for yourself it will then give you clarity on what you should look for in a potential mate. 

QUESTION#2: WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

Every woman with breath in her body should ask herself this question during the sunrise of her adult life.  This goes along with number three. Once you know your purpose you will gain clarity on your relationships. You will know who to keep around, and who to let go. If your purpose lies in encouraging confidence, and high self-esteem in underprivileged women then you know right there that perhaps your stripper best friend is not meant to stay in your life long-term. When determining your standards ask yourself the following: what has God planned for me, and does he, she, or them match up with the path God has me on?

QUESTION#1: HOW IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD?

This is the most important question you can ask yourself. Once you build your relationship with God you will begin to see yourself as he sees you. When you begin to look at yourself through God’s eyes it will become easier for you to identify the standards you have for yourself. This will also reveal what you should and should not put up with from anyone else. If you know God views you as queen then it is undisputed that you should be treated as such.

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Setting Standards: Two Simple Things​

Setting Standards: Two Simple Things

Whew, chile! It’s been a minute since we last spoke, but I’m glad you decided to tune in. Let’s get into it.

 

Standards are a set of non-negotiable behavior traits you will or will not put up with depending on what you want out of life. In order to determine what are good standards to have we must first discuss the prerequisites for setting them. 

 

PREREQUISITE#1: WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN?

 

For me, I believe in God, and the sacrificial teachings of Jesus Christ. This means I am in agreement with biblical principles and teachings. If you do not know what you believe in then every standard you set will be superficial, because it won’t be rooted in anything. Remember: it is the roots of a tree that keep it stable when a storm comes. Your number one standard should be to know what you believe in as every other standard will come from this.

PREREQUISITE #2: WHAT IS YOUR INTERNAL STATEMENT?

 

Your internal statement deals with the type of person you want to be. For example, I want to be a light(wisdom) in dark places(the blind spots of society). So the standards I create will be things that push this agenda forward. Determining your internal statement will make clearer what your non-negotiables are going to be. Below are a few examples of internal statements:

  • I strive to be an ambassador for God; when people look at my lifestyle I want it to restore their faith. 

  • I want to expand the way people think so that my people can experience a better quality of life.

  • They say laughter is good medicine, so I want to use my humor to be a refuge for the depressed and anxious

 

Your internal statement is a recipe combined of what your beliefs are and how you choose to manifest those beliefs in your daily life. 

 

These are the prerequisites for setting standards. Please join me next week as we go deeper into exactly what having good standards look like. In the meantime check out my book Clean Mirrors for a more in depth view on self-love. Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed this please share. We’ll talk soon!

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3 Powers of Completion: When the Task Gets Tough

photo by Carlota Guerrero

3 Powers of Completion: When the Task Gets Tough

#1: Trust

Completion builds trust. Finishing what you’ve started makes you a woman (or man) of your word, allowing others to count you as dependable. When you are all talk and no action, people will begin to take you less seriously.

 

#2: Expertise

Completion makes you an expert. An expert is just someone who didn’t quick on their craft. When you become a completer (yes, I just made that word up) and not just a starter you expand your net worth, because people pay for expertise. Experts are seldom broke.


#3: Confidence 

Completion gives birth to confidence. Bringing a project to completion helps to groom your identity, because it reminds you of what you’re made of. It gives you a certain level of bravado that pushing weights just can’t give you, because completion exercises your self-esteem and psychological well-being. If you want to build confidence, complete something. 

Thank you so much for reading. If you need in depth coaching on how to finish what you’ve started check out chapter IV of my book Clean Mirrors.

Send this to a friend if you found this helpful.

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When the Sun Sets: An Ode to Kobe & Gianna Bryant

Written by Megan Gates the author of Clean Mirrors.

When the Sun Sets: An Ode to Kobe & Gianna Bryant

What do you do when the sun sets?

Do you sit in the dark and recap all of  life’s regrets?

Or, do you point the finger,

attributing it to someone’s negligence?

 

What do you do when the mighty falls?

Clinching our loved ones, watching the news, terror in us all.

We are reminded that no one can escape the grasp of death’s brutality.

So, we sit in somber silence as we are forced to imagine our own loved ones’ mortality.

 

When the sun sets, it sets abruptly!

It is impartial to the sentimentality of the people affected.

Because, well, that is the nature of the Sun. 

So, since we know the sun’s nature, let’s not let bitterness win.

 

Yes, the sun has set, but let’s not let heartbreak lead us to our own demise, we must gather ourselves for the coming sunrise!

 

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