Setting Standards: How do You Treat You?

Most women think they have high standards, because they don’t date men under 6ft tall. Sis, I am here to tell you, that is not a standard, it is a preference. Before we dive deeper let’s understand what standards actually are. Standards are a set of virtues and values that are non-negotiable expectations you have in regard to the way others interact with you. It is great to formulate a list of acceptable and non-acceptable behavior. However, there is something you must do first: look in the mirror. Here are the top five questions every woman should ask herself, before she creates her laundry list of standards.



Most women say they want a solid support system of girlfriends, but somehow fail to be the very support system they are looking for. Let’s be honest, most women at some point in their life have slandered another woman’s character. Hoping that pointing out that minute flaw of hers will somehow mask the multitude of flaws you possess. Spoiler alert: this doesn’t work. If  you are still tolerating insecurity within yourself then you are in no position to boast about what you will and will not tolerate from someone else. Only women who don’t know their worth feel threatened by beautiful and successful women. Before setting your standards on how you wish to be treated by others make sure you know your worth. How can you charge for something you don’t know the value of?


Most women want a man to love and respect them, but fail to love and respect themselves. Take a look in your grocery cart. Is it loaded with raw fruits and vegetables, or is it weighed down with frozen pizzas, and other packaged goods? Take a look at your playlist. Is it filled with songs that overly sexualize and disrespect you, or does the music on your playlist bring honor to your spirit and body?  What you consume says a lot about the respect you have for yourself. You can’t say, “ I want to be loved and respected.” then turn around and abuse, and misuse your own body.

“Do you not know that your bodies are holy temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God.”
Corinthians 6:19-20

How can you have discipline in your standards and not have discipline  in what goes into your holy temple?  If you will eat anything then you will put up with anything.



Most women want a man to honor God, and be family oriented, but  have no clue about their own personal code of conduct. This one is a biggie, because most women believe their personal code of conduct involves: honesty, loyalty, and respect. Although, these are great standards to stand on and live by, they may not pertain to your individual values. Ask yourself the following:

  • What are the three most important things in the world to you?

  • Where do you turn when depression hits?

  • Why do you get up every morning?

  • How much money will you be satisfied with making?

Get out a pen and some paper, write these questions out, and answer them honestly. This will reveal what virtues and values you actually practice. Once you are able to establish the standards you have for yourself it will then give you clarity on what you should look for in a potential mate. 


Every woman with breath in her body should ask herself this question during the sunrise of her adult life.  This goes along with number three. Once you know your purpose you will gain clarity on your relationships. You will know who to keep around, and who to let go. If your purpose lies in encouraging confidence, and high self-esteem in underprivileged women then you know right there that perhaps your stripper best friend is not meant to stay in your life long-term. When determining your standards ask yourself the following: what has God planned for me, and does he, she, or them match up with the path God has me on?


This is the most important question you can ask yourself. Once you build your relationship with God you will begin to see yourself as he sees you. When you begin to look at yourself through God’s eyes it will become easier for you to identify the standards you have for yourself. This will also reveal what you should and should not put up with from anyone else. If you know God views you as queen then it is undisputed that you should be treated as such.